Momlife but make it fashion

I love casual clothes. When I worked in magazines I loved how the dress code was casual. No stuffy suits for us! In fact it was our job to wear the trends and I loved watching the girls from the other magazines arrive to work in all their fashion glory, very Devil Wears Prada. 

Fast forward to Mumlife and I’m an activewear and top Mumma, Zara is still my go to. Functional but make it fashionable! Zara, H&M, Bonds, Cotton On are on constant rotation, with some random pieces of Kmart thrown in when I’m on a toy mission, in both summer and winter. These shops were amazing when i was pregnant too, I just sized up and went for the stretchy waistband. All my pregnancy weight went to my ass (it’s still there) so sizing up was my best option. Plus these clothes were super handy in the postnatal stage. In fact over 2 years later I’m still wearing some tights, postnatal forever lol! 

Mum clothes need to be functional i.e. hold in the postpartum tummy, stain proof i.e. sticky fingers, allow me to run after a wayward toddler and look good. I always feel that if I look good, I feel good. And I need all the good feelings when it has taken me an hour to get out of the house. So how can you combine all of those things into one outfit when you have 3.2 seconds to pick an outfit in the morning? Simple! You wear black, all day, every day, the Steve Jobs look! Black is the go-to, but oh so boring too. I try to throw on a striped t-shirt, a chambray shirt or khaki sweater over my black tights, just to lighten the mood but also cover those pesky sticky finger stains. In summer the black tights are replaced with denim shorts. The uniform is seasonal yet always functional. 

Lately however with the pandemic I’ve felt my fashion slide, there’s no fashion right now just activewear, loungewear and sleepwear. There’s not a pair of jeans in sight! I can’t remember the last time I bought a pair of jeans, let alone wore a pair! At first I was glad, it takes the pressure off but now I miss it. I miss watching the shows at fashion week, I miss watching the trends pop up online. I miss shopping in stores, when I had kid free time, online and click & collect just doesn’t cut it. 

With Northern summer just finishing up and more countries open through the summer months there have been some post Pandemic trends break out like bubblegum pink. Everyone wants to be out, be seen and be alive again, much like the roaring 20’s post the Spanish Flu pandemic. I love it! I’ve already been searching for anything pink online, and finding Pinterest and Instagram inspiration for how to be trendy in Mumlife. Our post Pandemic fashion is coming alive! Finally!

Childcare

Let’s talk about childcare. My kids go, and I love it. They learn how to be independent without me or their dad to help them do certain tasks, it’s something I can’t teach them. They go 2 or 3 days a week for about 5 or 6 hours so we keep it to a minimum. They get time to socialise with their buddies, they get taught things that I don’t know how to teach and they do craft! I’m not a fan of craft, I can’t make a mess, I just don’t have the patience for it. I love to colour with them and play with play doh but anything that’s super messy and tricky to clean up is not my strong point. At school they can roll around in paint for all I care! 

My boys didn’t start childcare until they were aged 2 and we chose a Montessori based one where they can freely choose if they want to participate in activities or just play. They seem to love it. They eat the food that’s provided, Mr 2 naps for over an hour each day while Mr 4 has quiet time, they run to me at pick up time smiling. But the drop off… It sucks! 

Mr 4 is awesome, he gives me kisses and runs off to find his educator and his friends. But since his first day at preschool it has been a gamble as to how Mr 2 will behave when I leave. Some weeks he’s awesome, other weeks he’ll cry, and now that his language is exploding he can literally tell me he wants to come home with me or just plain refuse to get out of the pram.

It breaks my heart and makes me question the decision to send him to preschool every day. I wonder if it’s the right place for him, is being mistreated, does he not like the activities? Or does he simply miss me being there with him? I suspect it’s the latter, I just need him to grow a little more and become more confident in himself. As a Mum I know it’s my job to help him find that confidence within himself but I can’t instill the independence required, he has to learn that for himself. Building his confidence, helping him find his independence and showing him how to be resilient are all things that childcare can help with. Things as a Mum that I have to hand over to the professionals.

I remember going through a similar crying phase with Mr 4 when he was that age and I know it resolved itself; Mr 4 is now very content and happy at school. He’s so happy that he has big plans for when he goes to “big school” in 2022, but that’s a whole other thing for me, as a Mum, to deal with!

Pandemic parenting

I’ve avoided the subject of pandemic parenting as I think there is so much chat on the topic that we’ve become numb to it. Unfortunately with Australia in the thick of the pandemic again it’s unavoidable, and a year on from the first major lockdown our lives have changed. Kids are older, we’re older, we’re wiser, we’re tired and we’re numb too. There’s a sense of “here we go again”; but also a sense of we know what to do, we did it last year and we can do it again. I think deep down we can all appreciate the downtime with our families even when we feel like it’s Groundhog day.

In our house the difference this year is both boys have at least 2 days at childcare. They will continue to go for so many reasons, the main reason being their routine. They’re already missing swimming, playdates and time with family so keeping them at preschool is a constant that we want for them. Plus it tires them out which is my number one goal every day! Their energy levels on the weekends have risen, who knew a half hour of swimming on a weekend would take so much out of them?!

This time we as parents are wiser, we know how to keep our sanity and how to keep our anxiety levels under control as we know these things can have a negative effect on the boys. The boys need stability and if we as parents start to panic, be afraid and become generally grumpy about the restrictions imposed then the boys will act out. We know to keep away from crowds, avoid shops, wear a mask and be socially distant from others. We know to take our daily exercise and maintain our mental health in order to release the fear and anger, and get those feel good endorphins. All of these things have almost become second nature.

But what are we learning about our lives now that we’re forced to stop again? We learned last year that our health really was our wealth. We learned how much family means to us when we’re separated. We learned to appreciate the calm, take advantage of the quieter times before the madness of life gets going again. This year we’ve learned that the boys can pick up on all of our moods and they get bored just like we do, so keeping things fun and finding new ways to have adventures is good for everyone. Picnics in the garden, climbing the rocks at the beach, a cycle around the neighbourhood, a new park.

But how will we come out the other side? My husband and I learned a long time ago to appreciate the people in our lives. We know how fragile life can be. We also know how strong and resilient we are as individuals and together. Pandemic parenting taught us that we need to instill these values in our boys. These values need to be top of the list as they will inevitably face times in their lives when they will need to stand up, face the problem, figure out what the solution is and keep going. The only way is through.

Mom’s day

The day starts at 7am. Well that’s the official time. Unofficially it can start around 4am when I wake to hear either Mr 2 having a nightmare or Mr 4 crying because he’s cold so I go to settle whoever it is or both. I say unofficially as usually I can go back to sleep but some days the mind starts and the anxiety kicks in. I start to think about the million things that happened the day before or the million things I have to do that day. If I’m lucky Mr 2 will wake me chatting to the still asleep Mr 4 around 6.30am and I’ll mentally prepare myself for the day ahead. 

If it’s a preschool day then it’s an “up and at em” kind of morning. Brekkie, clothes, shoes, teeth and out the door laid down with bags and water bottles. A quick walk to school, drop off and run! My kid free day involves finding my energy, realigning myself and putting my mind back together. If it’s Mom and bub’s day then we’ll slowly find our way to the kitchen, make brekkie and take the day one step at a time. We’ll do some playing, pack a morning tea and head for the local park for a playdate. A day to spend time with the boys, playing their animal games and getting treats from the cafe. 

Both days are amazing in their own way. Both days start and end with noise, laughter and love. Both days have cuddles and kisses. Both days remind me how much I’m loved. Both days give me peace of mind and remind me of all the positive choices I’ve made. Both days make me realise how good our lives are.

Both days are filled with plenty of “mom jobs”. Washing, cooking, food shopping, making beds, finding lost socks and putting our home back together after my two whirlwind boys pull it apart. Both days end with me exhausted on the couch scrolling Insta in the hope I can turn my brain off and close my eyes by 9pm so I can go to sleep.

Both days have night’s where sleep is a premium if one of the boy’s is sick. Both days have times when I can’t find the energy they require. Both days can be a sick day where I need time alone to recover. Only one day can give me the time alone to find my energy to cope with all the world throws at me. Only one day gives me quiet time to work through the anxieties all Mom’s deal with. Most of the time I spend my preschool day doing jobs for the boys that I can’t do with the boys. 

And then there are the days when the phone rings, you see the name of the preschool flash up and your stomach drops. Gone is your quiet time, gone is your day to do jobs, gone is your day to find your energy. You can only hope it’s nothing too serious…

Playground or war zone

I gently grab my 2 year old from the steps to the slide and say “I’m so sorry” to the parent next to me. My 2 year old has just smacked another kid on the head as he pushed past him up the steps. Now to the 2 year old that he just smacked, this was nothing, the other kid had just stolen the hat from another kid’s head. But as a parent we have to apologise, teach our child what’s right and wrong. Some days however I pick my battles, at home this is ok but in the playground I have to go through the motions to appease the other parent.

Playground politics is real and for some this is not an issue. As a Mum of two energetic, excited boys it can be a nightmare. You have to deal with girl mum’s, 1 child mum’s, kids that actually listen to their mum’s. The newest development in our playground life is that my two boys act like they’re in a gang, “touch my bro and you’ll have me to deal with”, so the two of them look like they’re bullying the entire playground. It sucks but hey I’ll just keep saying sorry and some day they’ll grow out of it. Right?! That’s the plan anyway.

This world of parenting can be a war zone at the best of times but dealing with the playground politics that go on can be tiresome at best, at worst it can make us angry and in rare cases anti social. I’ve had two notable run-ins with Mum’s at the playground. In one case a Mum screamed at my then 3 year old causing him to freak out and me to have a terse conversation with the mother. The whole situation left me shell shocked and totally mortified. She was in the wrong but she had a 20 month old and a newborn so I suspect my child was where she vented her frustration. I haven’t seen her since and I suspect she was potentially suffering from PPD. My child probably doesn’t remember it but I won’t forget it.

The other was a Mum who called my child rude for asking her child to stop when he tried to take my child’s scooter. I called that Mum on why she said that and she claimed to not judge me or how my kids behaved but yet called him rude?! I just asked her to be kind and think about how the other mother might feel when she said those things, then I walked away. I’ve seen her around but we don’t acknowledge one another and her son doesn’t try to come near our scooter any more. 

Navigating the playground is a tiresome job and I honestly try to avoid the busier times as I simply don’t have the time or the patience to deal with the politics. I have two kids who deserve my patience more so I keep it for them.

Mum shamed

It’s a thing and I’ve felt it. I’ve felt it from friends, parents, friends without kids, my own family. From the lady behind me in the queue at the shops, the person serving me. A mum friend at the gym, a parent in the playground. Everywhere. You try your best to ignore it and 99.5% of the time I’m successful, but sometimes it hits hard and it can upset your equilibrium and disrupt your mental health. 

Pandemic parenting has been hard, an understatement, and we’ve all questioned how we do things. Is it the right thing for me, and is it ok for my child? Will this affect them in later life? Are they resilient enough for this? I don’t have the brain capacity to worry about other people’s children, I rarely do. My take on it is if you are ok with it then I’m ok with it. I might not do the same thing but that is where we are all different. We don’t have to have the same opinion all the time and we can still get along. I hope to teach this to my children.

So this week, during the latest pandemic crisis, I chose to continue to send my children to childcare while my husband and I continued to work. I’m at home and he is at the office, as his work can’t be done from home. For all of our health, wellbeing and for the sake of normality, I brought them to childcare. Now there are kids whose parents decided to keep them at home. That is their choice and how they choose to parent their child is their choice. I do not judge you for keeping your child at home. I don’t judge your parenting. This is your choice and can go for anything. Sleep arrangements, feeding routines, breastfed v’s bottle fed, reusable nappies v’s disposable ones. Not one of us should feel ashamed for how we choose to parent our children.

The judgement I have felt during this pandemic period has affected my mental health more so than any other part of parenting. I’ve bottle fed, used disposable nappies, started solids at 4 months, fed as per a routine, didn’t demand feed and they swing out of trees causing mayhem at the playground (no child has been harmed!) None of these things has made me feel more shamed as a parent than sending my child to childcare during a pandemic.

As I say to my boys. Focus on yourself, forget everyone else, run your own race. You do you. This week I need to remember this.

To sleep, perchance to dream!

I love to sleep, I love when my babies sleep and I love when the world sleeps, it’s so quiet. Sleep is a big business, especially with babies. As adults we don’t appreciate how much we know about sleep and our ability to sleep “through the night”. But as parents you suddenly learn how much you like to sleep because you’re not getting any.

Over the years the sleep business has evolved and become something some parents are willing to pay top dollar for. Once when extended families lived together and space was limited babies slept in bed with their parents initially and later with siblings, everyone slept, and if you didn’t the older sibling told you to and you listened! More and more families are looking to sleep consultants for advice on babies of all ages from newborn to toddler to older kids, to help with sleep. If babies sleep, they grow and in times of sickness they heal. 

Consultants can charge up to $4000 for a 3 night stay in your home, helping you get your baby to sleep and teaching your baby how to sleep. It’s a service that parents are willing to pay for all the time and don’t even think about the cost as by the time the sleep consultant is needed they are so sleep deprived they can’t think straight, even the most sane people can fall into this category. This type of help is invaluable and not something just for those that can afford it. There are Medicare funded programs also available, all GP’s can guide you through this process or look up Karitane and Tresillian online, they will be more than willing to help out.

I personally used 2 types of “set routines” for my kids. We were super lucky with our first as he was a NICU graduate so he came home on 4 hourly feeds, could self settle once calm and he was used to sleeping in a noisy, light filled room. (Lucky! I hear you say in shock hehe! There’s a separate post on our NICU journey.) Nevertheless he did need to learn about sleep/wake times and the crucial difference between day and night. It was hard work teaching him these things but I loved it. I personally thrive in a routine, I struggle not knowing how my day will pan out. I can get by with a curveball or two but I need structure. So that was how I coped with the transition to being a Mum, I found a routine that worked for us, I implemented it and worked hard at it. Daily! Until it became second nature to us both.

Then son number 2 arrived! Mr 2 is a term baby meaning that he arrived at 39 weeks and didn’t require a NICU stay so home we went after 2 nights. I mix fed my hungry bubba and put him straight onto a routine for feeding and sleeping. It worked for the most part but self settle was tricky for his day naps unless we were out and about. He loved sleeping on the go but day naps at home were tricky.

Eventually after 9 weeks of him sleeping on me during the day I needed to take the plunge and teach self settle as per the books. Don’t get me wrong I loved the daytime snuggles, especially when my older son was at preschool, but my newborn was getting heavy and my shoulder was starting to ache! It wasn’t easy. I used to hang out the washing while he whined and whimpered in the bassinet. He would usually do this for about 7/8 minutes then fall asleep for 40 minutes then that stretched to 50 minutes and then hour and so on.

The two books i read that were a Godsend were the Little Ones and Save Our Sleep. I read them both, took what I thought would work for our family and implemented those things. I always say that to new Mum’s, take everyone’s advice and do what’s right for you. I also chatted with a lovely lady on the phone at Tresillian that was a big help when bub was around 8 months and struggling to sleep past 5am, turned out he needed food. Hungry hippo hehe!

So with sleep, we all want it and we all need it. Ask for help, there’s heaps available. Listen to all the advice and do what’s right for your family. Sweet dreams…

Some helpful websites:

Karitane – https://karitane.com.au/

Tresillian – https://www.tresillian.org.au/

Little Ones – https://www.littleones.co/

Save Our Sleep – https://www.saveoursleep.com/

And as always if you feel triggered by anything covered here then please consult your GP.